My decay

smiled through
smoke surrounding you

I can be anything
you want me to

--

(I keep writing
you

everywhere I go

the words keep flowing and dropping

they keep filling me, love

and I will let them drown me

until there's no air left
to breathe)

This is not a poem. It's her.

I still remember the first time I saw her
it was like someone would have dropped acid on my soul
I literally just sat there with my mouth half open
looking at her across the room

I watched her move
she was that kind of mixture
of mean looks and unbearable cuteness
that made hearts stop for a nanosecond

Which by the way felt like forever for me

And I was thinking I'd never get to talk to her
for she being so cool when I just simply wasn't
And my food was getting cold already when she stood up
she lifted her stuff and gave one glance
not for me but for someone who really even wasn't there
She was cool and she knew it

I held my breath as she walked away
Knowing as sure as hell

It was love

But we are not in love

so I went out last night
found myself wandering through the waves of queers
there was a drag show going on
I stared and stared at those glitter gods
realized I wasn't living my life
to it's fullest
glitter hurt my eyes

so I was fucked up by
this girl I loved
got a call to meet her and the lads
down at the Sweeney's
I went, of course
we were dancing to reggae
dancing like hell
a guy read from my shoulder
Meet me in Montauk
she avoided my gaze
 
I was about to leave
figured it would be better
to end that pathetic night with dignity
while I still could

well I was about to
when she took me by the hand
dragged me to the loo
she locked the door
lit a joint
sat on my lap
fumes of marijuana drew a halo around her
I stared at her and felt my whole body melting
that glorious beauty blinded my vision
told her I wanted it all
she bit my lip
my body is yours
outside the queue was getting longer

I took her home
fucked her with closed eyes

she was mine
or at least
her body was

Feel me now

you're only

gonna 

break 

my heart

Anteeksi

siinä hän seisoi miesten kengissään
seisoi hievahtamatta
savi kovettuneena kerroksiksi mustaan nahkaan

en tiennyt mitä sanoa joten pysyin hiljaa
me juurtuisimme tähän
muistan

tuuli kovempaa kuin viime syksynä
kovempaa kuin koskaan ennen

muistan taivaan
tummaa graniittia
mietin ruusuja
miten nekin lopulta
vain kuihtuvat

me juurruimme ja
nauhana silmieni edessä vaihtuivat kuvat
ajasta ennen sortumia

Keltaista

sulla on kaunein sivuprofiili ikinä

silitän sun niskaa kun sä katsot ruokaohjelmia

toissa viikolla kysyit mitä mä haluan sinusta 

en osannut sanoa

meillä on eroa 10 senttiä

ja sä et vihaa mitään ja mä taas joskus kaikkea

mä itken elokuvissa ja autossa

sä et itke ollenkaan

me ollaan ok tiimi

me tehtiin jäätelöä 

tai sä teit 

ja mä lävistin sun korvan hakaneulalla

kerroit että sun mielestä kaikki alkaa a-duurista

istuit ikkunalaudalla ilman paitaa ja bongasit autoja

keltaista keltaista keltaista

olet mussa pitkälle yöhön ja 

mä en edes yritä puhua

kun sä riität 

ilman sanojakin

Aisha

I used to dream
about girls with strange minds
boys who taste like vanilla
morning mist above black ponds
having my own cipher
laughing so hard I'd eventually lose my voice
seeing things no one else does

I used to dream
not about I love you's
but
I named my world after you's

words so easily written
screaming louder than silence ever could
wrinkled fingertips through my hair
countless stars above our beds
playing Forever Young as if
we were forever
and young

I used to dream
of awakening