Can't promise tomorrow but I can give you Forever

It feels the same as your hand taking a hold of mine at Ha'penny's bridge at night. It feels like your words dropping between us when I'm swallowing my tears and you are doing your best to ignore that. It feels like 'I love you' said just to make the moment last, not necessarily with real meaning. It feels like four orgasms and the warm breeze of your breath on my neck. It feels like being surrounded by hundreds of people and seeing only your face. It feels like shaky hands when waiting for you to text back. It feels like dying. It feels like being born again.

It feels like forever. Forever full of your eyes, my eyes, bittersweet confessions, ice cream trucks. Forever full of airports, departure gates, last coffees.

Forever full of you, I am breathing in. Forever here and now.

Luna

The last night we fell asleep

My arms around your chest

Your lips pressed against mine 

I breathed in when you exhaled 

Dublin stopped being for a while

I stopped being 

I miss you so much it hurts 

And I wish you wouldn't been so god damn beautiful 

And sometimes I do regret the things I did

I do not believe in honesty anymore

I do not think I'm beautiful or worth knowning anymore

I gave you a lot more than I should have given 

And you were not worth it 

But I hope you are doing well

I hope she is as beautiful as you remembered 

I hope this time she will choose you 

I hope you are happy 

And even though it wasn't me you were thinking about when you closed your eyes at night

I hope you will remember me 

Interlude

well I'd love to say I didn't see it coming
that all that happend to us got me by surprise

but love 

I did see it coming

I saw the way you'd hold my hand inside the pocket of your jacket
how I'd hear you call me baby through my sleep
how the sun would look like a frosted replica of your eyes
(my god, those eyes) 

I saw it coming 

how I'd fall asleep every night
praying you would still want me in the morning
and how I would end up misunderstanding your words

end up mistaken those kisses 

for something 

much bigger 

and now
when you are not around anymore

my thoughts are heavier than they used to be

this bed feels colder than when we shared it

and these streets mean nothing to me

and I feel weak 

so weak 

for missing you

because I did see this coming 

But you know it's there

it's like

standing at the edge 

surrounded by silence

darkness is rising from the abyss

right under your feet

and you wobble

half feet over the edge

and you feel the end

hell, you can see it

and you hold on to your dear life 

trying to stay on the safe side

and the worst part is

you are standing on that edge 

everyday

staring at the darkness right in front of you

and oh how you try

you use all your power to keep your eyes closed

but you know it's there

that is 

what it's like 

to be afraid

My decay

smiled through
smoke surrounding you

I can be anything
you want me to

--

(I keep writing
you

everywhere I go

the words keep flowing and dropping

they keep filling me, love

and I will let them drown me

until there's no air left
to breathe)

This is not a poem. It's her.

I still remember the first time I saw her
it was like someone would have dropped acid on my soul
I literally just sat there with my mouth half open
looking at her across the room

I watched her move
she was that kind of mixture
of mean looks and unbearable cuteness
that made hearts stop for a nanosecond

Which by the way felt like forever for me

And I was thinking I'd never get to talk to her
for she being so cool when I just simply wasn't
And my food was getting cold already when she stood up
she lifted her stuff and gave one glance
not for me but for someone who really even wasn't there
She was cool and she knew it

I held my breath as she walked away
Knowing as sure as hell

It was love

But we are not in love

so I went out last night
found myself wandering through the waves of queers
there was a drag show going on
I stared and stared at those glitter gods
realized I wasn't living my life
to it's fullest
glitter hurt my eyes

so I was fucked up by
this girl I loved
got a call to meet her and the lads
down at the Sweeney's
I went, of course
we were dancing to reggae
dancing like hell
a guy read from my shoulder
Meet me in Montauk
she avoided my gaze
 
I was about to leave
figured it would be better
to end that pathetic night with dignity
while I still could

well I was about to
when she took me by the hand
dragged me to the loo
she locked the door
lit a joint
sat on my lap
fumes of marijuana drew a halo around her
I stared at her and felt my whole body melting
that glorious beauty blinded my vision
told her I wanted it all
she bit my lip
my body is yours
outside the queue was getting longer

I took her home
fucked her with closed eyes

she was mine
or at least
her body was